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Giant snake learns how to open a door.

by Jon Henseler

Well in case you missed it here's your 2014 Home Run Derby Twitter-style recap: 'Chris Berman said bak 2343243 times and Giancarlo 'call me Mike' Stanton hit a baseball that almost burned up in the Earth's atmosphere.'

I mean I don't think I've ever witnessed a baseball get crushed to that degree in my life. Like yeah, Yoenis Cespedes joined Ken Griffey Jr. as the only players to win back to back Derby's but Stanton's moon shot is all people are talking about today. Kind of reminds me of the 2008 derby where Josh Hamilton, powered solely by ginger ale (and maybe a dash of methamphetamine), went ham with 28 dingers in the first round but ultimately lost to Justin Morneau. No one remembers Morneau winning it, all they remember is Hamilton taking apart old Yankee Stadium piece by piece with tiny baseball wrecking balls. Just preposterous power on display from Stanton. If chicks dig the long ball there's going to be a Field of Dreams style line waiting outside of his apartment in Miami after last night. Only thing that would have made it better is if he screamed 'WE LANDED ON THE MOON!' after he hit it.

PS: Host to God question, how far could Stanton hit a tennis ball with an aluminum bat. 1,200 feet? 1,500? I know they'd have to basically have everyone in attendance sign death waivers but I want ONE home run derby to be with metal bats. It's be wild to see how deep professional players could drop bombs with those things. Sounds like an episode for Sports Science.