« Parenting

Are You Raising a Helpless Kid?

by Corey Carter

This article caught my attention. (SEE BELOW) Being 35 I missed out on this for the most part (although I want to say that 1982 was probably my first or second trick-or-treat experience, however I don't remember - read the article and you'll see why that years' Halloween was significant.)

I'd like to think I grew up okay and am successful as an adult.  Happily married, successful at my career, healthy. 

One thing my Mom was (and still is) - a realist.  My wife often calls me 'negative' for the way I think/reason about things.  I actually feel like I'm a "glass-half full" type guy more-often than not.  

Some of the things that are discussed in the article really hit home for me and now I fear that I'm not doing a good enough job with my kids raising them.

My wife and I go out-of-our-way to make our kids feel special.   Some say that when an aggressive child is rewarded when he/she stops being aggressive for a short time, it sends the message that they should continue to be aggressive, because the only time they are rewarded is when they stop.  Makes sense when you think about it...

However, it totally goes against the "reward positive behavior" theory that my wife and I try to implement as much as we can. 

My wife also gets mad at me for "yelling" at the kids from time-to-time.  I don't do it often, but when I do, it certainly grabs their attention and they listen more.  I just feel like kids need to be reminded on who's "boss" once-in-a-while, or things can get out of control.  

I especially like the final line of this article - parents need to be "velvet bricks"  - gentle on the outside but tough on the inside - allowing kids to fail when they are young - then succeed when they are adults.